I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize