I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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