sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
