He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
