oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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