We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am midnight drunk by noon
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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