were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
