So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize