Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
