So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
