everyone is single if you try hard enough
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize