I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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