I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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