i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize