I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize