I murdered the dance floor call the cops
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
