i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
