The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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