Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize