i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
