The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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