Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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