and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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