I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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