Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
