I cockslap morals
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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