My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
