you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
