Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize