Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
