He kissed a someone with a penis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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