The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
