Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can text with my tongue
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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