I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
