have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The ass gains better be worth it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize