I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
