My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
