not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
