I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
