bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
