My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
