Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
