Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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