She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
