i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
