you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
