what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
