Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
