im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
