I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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