WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize