took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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