There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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