so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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