I want to stick my p in your. b.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
