Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
