Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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