That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
