In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
