I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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