everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
