apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
