She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
