the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
