my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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