I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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