she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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