i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
