My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
