I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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