Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
