what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize