I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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