I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
