Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize