No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
