He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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