i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
