Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize