Tell her she can't have a vagina
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
