Someone shit on the floor
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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