He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
