you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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