can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think i got beer on your cat.
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