Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
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