the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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